Goodbye My Hero, My Friend

Mark Woods (January 19, 1953 – May 30, 2008)

“In love’s service only wounded soldiers can serve”

– Thorton Wilder

As some of you know, my beloved mentor and friend Mark Woods took his life May 30 in the evening. He left notes for his daughters, wife, and best friend.

I met Mark almost two years ago. I wasn’t going to go and see him but Tom Nelson had recommended him as he had helped him through his depression and so reluctantly I sent Mark an e mail. I don’t normally do this because. I’m not very what’s the word, charismatic? but I sent the e mail and said a silent prayer as though defiant.
Lord, he has to call right away or I don’t think I will go and meet with him.

Thirty seconds later the phone rang.

“Natalie. This is Mark Woods. Natalie, I’m never on the computer, and even if I am I never return phone calls but I felt the need to”

Hmmm.

Okay. I’ll meet with him. Once.

I sat down in his office and looked up and my stomach sank. My favorite book by Henri Nouwen is the Prodigal Son. On the cover it has the famous portrait.

On Mark’s wall hung the portrait, large, and framed.

Ok, God.

When Mark spoke it was as though he knew me. He told me he didn’t want to charge me – he felt led to do this. He saw me three times a week.

They were blessed times. Times of laughter, of tears, of learning, asking.

Mark listened like no other. He laughed and cursed and loved the Lord. He loved people. He loved his daughters. And somehow he loved me.

When I learned of his death I didn’t want to believe it. I called Tom Nelson (bless his heart I was in Seattle and forgot it was two hours later in Dallas). Is it true? “Yes.”

“How”? “He hung himself”

Sobbing. No. It can’t be. He wouldn’t do that. He had struggled years ago with it but told me life was worth living – no! No! I don’t believe it. I’m supposed to see him this week! No! He loved God! God couldn’t leave him! No!

I hung up the phone….Tom said “Natalie, take his wisdom and remember at the end of the day he is fallen.”

I just wanted to run. And so I did. I ran. I ran down near the water. I screamed and sobbed. Not Mark. Not Mark. Whatever the reason, Mark knew God could redeem it. Not Mark. Oh God, no! This cannot be the end of Your faithful servant. If he can’t make it, how can I?

God, was He scared? God, is He okay now? God, did he feel pain?

The funeral. . I sat down next to a woman who untimely said “Oh, if only he had taken his own advice.” I wanted to scream at her. Instead, I bit my tongue and tears poured forth.

One of his friends spoke that we must embrace the idea that we cannot know what happened with him, but we must grieve well, letting go of an answer.

It was said that God identifies with feelings of distress, despair, fear and terror.

Mark was a Wounded Healer.

There was a video of him and his children, goofy pictures, sweet ones. The last one was him on a hill, his back to us, with his arm around his wife and the words “We’ll see you soon Mark”. His daughter than sang the most powerful version I’d ever heard of “My Redeemer Lives”. We all stood. We cried.
I spoke with his daughter after. I fell in her arms and she said “Are you ok?” What? I thought……are YOU okay is what should be said…..however she held me just like her dad would have and whispered in my ear “He will get us through this. He will get us through this.”

And so in closing,

Mark, now in Heaven with the Lord you loved…..I hope you are smiling a lot. I hope all of your tears have been wiped away……and yes, we will see you soon.

Oh, and Mark….thank you. Thank you. I love you.
In one of Chris Rice's songs "Come to Jesus" it ends with this verse. I'll always think of you Mark.
"And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye. And go in peace and laugh on glory's side. And run to Jesus. Run to Jesus. Run to Jesus and live...."