The Art of Forgiveness

Forgiveness:
I often think I'm quite the "good one" when it comes to this. After all, who am I not to forgive? Yes, yes contectually, theologically, Biblically I "know" this. But then the hurt comes. The injustice. The "I'm right, you're wrong". The desire for justice rather large or small. And then a reminder of the "offense" and I'm in tears, I'm angry, I demand....
This happened to me just this very morning. A matter of where I was so certain I had forgiven, moved on, let go....and then "bam" my heart leaps up to declare "Wait! This is soo not right!"
(My heart is quite the talker).
"Vengeance is mine thus says the Lord, but I just want to be about the Lord's business" - Rich Mullins.
Yes, and so it goes. I was reminded by a dear friend I am not in control. Even when I think I am I'm not. I am not in control of another person's heart.
However, the good news is that God is. God. Yes, the God who calls the stars by name is in control and knows the tiniest detail. The offender (whether it's me and certainly at times it is or someone in my life) ultimately answers to God. He is not absent. He misses nothing. And the grace He extends me, He will extend to any "offense" to me. We all fall under grace. And the hurt we feel, well, I suppose the best we can do is take it to Our Father. Who loves me. And knows. And leave it there. And that's the hard part. For I so want to declare my case....as though a lawyer....and yet I am not called to do this. I can pour out my heart, weep, not understand, but then I must leave it at His feet and walk away. For there it is the safest. There my tears are bottled. There the grace extended to me is now for Him to extend to to the offense. I am responsible for my heart and my heart alone. And it is only God's pursuing that will change mine and another's. I will never change anyone. I will never "make things right". But He will. He does.
And so Lord, as best I can I lay what I feel is an "offense" at Your feet. You have forgiven me the worst of the worst.....let me not be like the man who is forgiven and does not forgive his debtor. So I give You the hurt, pain, heartache, and confusion. And as my friend reminded me You are Good. You are Good in the midst of fearful situations. Of ones I cannot understand. So thank You.